Ever had that moment when you're explaining something perfectly clearly (or so you think), and the other person looks at you like you're speaking Klingon? Or maybe you've been on the receiving end, nodding along while internally thinking, "I have no idea what this person is talking about!"

Welcome to the Double Empathy Problem – fancy science-speak for "Hey, different brains work differently!"

What's This Double Empathy Thing Anyway?

First discovered through autism research, the Double Empathy Problem reveals something fascinating about human communication: when two people think and process information differently, both of them will have trouble understanding each other. It's like trying to run Windows software on a Mac – both are perfectly good systems, they just speak different languages!

Think about it this way: You're a cat person living in a world of dog people. When you say, "My pet sits quietly on my lap for hours, isn't that wonderful?" dog people might think, "Hours? Without playing fetch? Is your pet okay?" Neither perspective is wrong – they're just coming from different experiences of what pets typically do.

It's Not a One-Way Street

Here's where it gets interesting: traditionally, we've often thought of communication difficulties as being one person's "problem." But the Double Empathy Problem shows us it's actually a two-way street. When there's a misunderstanding:

• Person A thinks: "Why can't they understand what I'm saying?"

• Person B thinks: "Why can't they explain it clearly?"

• Reality: They're both trying their best, just in different ways!

We're All in This Together

While this concept emerged from studying autism, it applies to pretty much every human interaction. Consider:

• Introverts vs. Extroverts

• Visual learners vs. Verbal learners

• Morning people vs. Night owls

• People from different cultural backgrounds

• Different professional fields (try putting a poet and a programmer in the same room!)

Why This Matters

Understanding the Double Empathy Problem changes how we view communication breakdowns. Instead of thinking "What's wrong with them?" or "What's wrong with me?" we can start asking:

• How might we be processing information differently?

• What adjustments could we both make?

• How can we build bridges between our different ways of thinking?

Here's the fun part: once you understand this concept, you start seeing it everywhere. That colleague who never seems to "get" your jokes? They might be hilarious in a completely different way. The friend who explains things in what seems like the most roundabout way possible? They might be following a perfectly logical path – just not the one you're used to.

The Takeaway

Next time you find yourself in a communication muddle, remember: it's not you, it's not them – it's the space between different ways of thinking. And just like learning any new language, with a little patience and understanding from both sides, we can all get better at crossing that gap.

Stay tuned for Part 2, where we'll dive into the science behind how different brains process the world differently, and what that means for all of us!

References

Autism Society of Minnesota. (2024). The Double Empathy Problem. Retrieved February 12, 2025, from https://ausm.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/DoubleEmpathypdf.pdf

Embrace Autism. (n.d.). Autism & the double empathy problem. Retrieved February 12, 2025, from https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-the-double-empathy-problem/

Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E., & Cassidy, S. (2021). Autism and the double empathy problem: Implications for development and mental health. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 39, 1-18. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12350

Reframing Autism. (n.d.). Milton's 'double empathy problem': A summary for non-academics. Retrieved February 12, 2025, from https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/

Zamzow, R. (2024). Double empathy, explained. The Transmitter. Retrieved February 12, 2025, from https://www.thetransmitter.org/spectrum/double-empathy-explained/